Niki has told me several times in the past few months that she wishes I showed my “true” self to people outside of our home. She thinks I’m funny and has (lovingly) threatened to oust me via a facebook post with stuff I’ve said or done. Thankfully, a mother’s stern look of “you’d better not” goes a long way with my kids. 😉
She’s had me thinking though…
It’s not that I’m fake around everyone else. Just guarded. Maybe even heavily guarded. My blog posts may give a false impression of my candidness with others but in reality, my ultimate desire is to just live a private life secluded deep in the woods except for visits from family and really close friends. I don’t mind being alone. (Which is quite the opposite of my husband and children – although I think Les would welcome it, at least for a little while, until he caught up on some lost time with us.)
For me…it has always been about treating others the way I want to be treated. Hence, my blog posts and the way I try to live my life. I want to know there are people out there trying their hardest to live their faith…but are real. Real in that they make mistakes and try to learn from them. Have children who quarrel and do crazy things but are working to guide them to be responsible, kind, and loving. Have bumps in their days and realize this is normal. Have moments of excuses they make for themselves to not push themselves but then realize, if it’s important, you make it happen. We all make happen what we find most important in our lives and it shows in the choices we make day in and day out. But also share the inspirational moments in our lives. Moments that encourage us to keep going when everything else seems to be crumbling around you. The desire to keep improving and not stay stagnant.
In this, my writing, is probably the closest anyone – who doesn’t live in my home – could ever be to the “true” me. The me that reflects and thinks through the clicks of her keyboard during the day. The me that wishes I could record the thoughts I write in my mind in the darkness of my room as I attempt to drift off to sleep. The me that ponders as I twirl under the steaming water of my quiet showers as I try to solve the obstacles of the day. The me that has no false illusion of my imperfectness. I’m just someone who tries incredibly hard to use all the talents God gave me to their fullest potential – whether I fail miserably and get up and try again or succeed and give the false impression that I’m some sort of super woman.